I am understanding more and more how the “just be positive” mantra is really hurtful, especially when one is scared or unsure about what is going on. Hearing someone dismiss those feelings by saying “be positive” really makes one feel like they are doing something wrong when they don’t feel like sunshine and rainbows.
I realize that if I have an off day or two, it will not affect the outcome of any tests, scans or what-have-you. Being dismissed with a “be positive” when trying to convey your feelings to someone is really frustrating and undermines the trust that I might have when talking to certain people about serious matters. I think putting on a fake smile it more detrimental than acknowledging a rough day and letting the wave of frustration/sadness/fear wash past. I think the most important part is to acknowledge these feelings and not squash them down. Our society lately has seemingly become so afraid of things that are not pink and pretty that no one really wants to talk to or approach others who are going through a rough time.
Just because I have feelings other than positivity does not mean that I am inherently negative, in fact I am generally a very positive person. I am beginning to understand the value in not compartmentalizing how I feel all the time, but I am also aware enough to know that I do not want to unpack and set up roots in “negative town.” I know this uncomfortable moment will pass, as they always do and things will look brighter, but sometimes it would be nice to talk to someone who doesn’t dismiss these feelings with a “be positive” or “at least you have ‘x’…”
All this to say that this is a weirdo moment in time containing many more questions than answers. I know that I will eventually get the answers that I am seeking – it is just taking more time than I am feeling comfortable with and “feeling positive” is not always possible when serious things hang in the balance when there are so many other emotions that are being felt at the same time including but not limited to fear, frustration, anxiety – this does not mean that I am not grateful for the wonderful things that are in my life, I am always so very grateful for the wonderful things and I do not see why I need to defend that every time that other emotions come into play.
Sometimes it is not about other emotions at all, sometimes it is just about the reality of circumstances. No matter how much I “think positive” it is not going to drastically change any scan outcomes or whether or not I will get an ‘A’ in a class, or if I will ever be able to safely go to the gym and work-out again. These things are often beyond my control, as much as I hope and wish for that ‘A’ or a clean scan, if positive thinking were the only way to get the things that I want, I would be a millionaire philanthropist who donates time and money to art centres and cancer research. Every time I say something and someone says “think positive” I get angry. I know they mean well, but at the same time, it sort of comes off as a verbal tick – sometimes it is just nice to hear “oh man that sucks” rather than a mantra that is just going to make me feel even more isolated and empty.
Now, I must get back to writing my last paper of the semester!