I know it has been forever since I wrote anything here… well that is sort of untrue, it has been forever since I published anything here. I have a bunch of half-written posts that I will probably never complete.
Why am I writing here again? I think the biggest reason is because I am lost and I need a venue to sort out these feelings and emotions that are just overflowing. This is my last semester as a Masters student, I have fulfilled all of the requirements to graduate except completing the thesis part, which I am currently working on.
The thing is, I have no idea what is next. I applied for the Ph.D. program in the Humanities department but thus far, I have not heard anything back from them. I think I have felt every single emotion there is – all the way down to feeling worthless and like my life has no meaning because of not hearing back yet – which isn’t healthy by any far stretch. That world is so cut-throat and competitive that one tends to lose sight of the real world. Somewhat like when I worked at Freestyle, everything was so small and cloistered, you are so busy that you do’t have time to stop and look around you.
This needs to be a very important lesson for me, I am not my grades, I am not my pieces of paper. If I don’t get in I have a very good plan ‘B’ that I have talked about and will put in place. I am valuable, I am worthy, I do have something to contribute. I just need to remember that and get out of the tower more.